Managing expectations when things don’t go as planned

Photo by Jake Hinds on Unsplash

This week has been a struggle. I’m finally starting to feel better, but whatever hit me wiped me out. The thing is, I had a lot I was supposed to do this week, especially at work. Monday took me by surprise–I was mentally ready and motivated to take on the week, but I ended up sidelined.

It’s difficult when we’ve envisioned how something will play out but then life takes us in another direction. My feeling ill is just a small example, but it can still be frustrating. I know that I should be capable of doing much more, but my body isn’t cooperating. It’s hard not to feel like a bit of a slacker.

I wrote a little bit on recognizing the fluid notion of being our “best,” and this is a similar scenario. It’s important to understand that our “best” changes from day to day. Still, it’s hard not to feel disappointed or let down when things don’t go as planned, especially when you’re the one who is responsible.

It’s important to be kind to ourselves in these situations, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We need to take a step back and understand that there are things out of our control (still not easy!). The main thing is to not take any disappointment as a reflection on yourself, even if you feel like you’re the cause. These feelings change–what seems hopeless today might feel like no big deal by tomorrow. Whether it’s minor sickness, stress, despair, deadlines, confrontation, or just something you don’t want to do–it doesn’t last forever.

Focus on doing what you can–it’s enough for today. Don’t give up. When you’re ready and able, do a little more.

There’s always tomorrow.

Tell me: How do you deal with disappointment?

When being your best doesn’t feel like enough

Every Thing Will Be Fine art print by Wanker & Wanker on Society6

I started off this week feeling like I had tiger blood running through my veins. A great weekend set me up for a great week, and I went into Monday feeling motivated, determined, and confident. That good feeling carried me until yesterday morning, when I suddenly hit a wall.

I’m going to blame it partially on coming down with a cold, but I started to feel run down and irritable. Instead of focusing on all I could accomplish in a day, I had to focus just on making it through the day. We were supposed to go out last night, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to be social.

My definition of “best” is different at different times. Sometimes I can push through, and I’m better for it. Other times, though, I really just want sweatpants and ice cream. I need to accept those times and move on, without feeling guilt. The trouble can be knowing when to push yourself and when you’re at your limit. Being sick is an easy excuse, but there are other times when it’s not so clear what’s sapping your energy. It takes truly knowing yourself and being forgiving.

We strive to be the best versions of ourselves, but the goal sometimes seems insurmountable. The thing is, we can reach our best. We just need to recognize that “best” is a fluid notion, and it varies with circumstance. There’s nothing wrong with identifying and working toward what you define as your true best self, but also remember to be kind if your expectations fall short. Focus on being your best self based on the day, and take the time to recognize your achievements–whether that’s conquering the world or simply getting out of bed.

Here’s to being our best selves today–sweatpants included.

Tell me: What’s your comfort routine? What do you do to motivate you when you’re feeling “less than” your usual self?

 

Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable

For the past couple weeks, I’ve been practicing meditation. I emphasize the use of the word practicing, because it’s been very hit or miss so far. I tried meditating first thing in the morning, but it felt like I wasn’t yet awake enough to really focus. Now I’m meditating after I finish my morning workout. I haven’t done it every day, and I only do it for five minutes. I don’t even sit up–I lie down, close my eyes, and try to quiet my mind, which is much easier said than done.

I’ve done a couple of guided meditations (you can find a lot for free on YouTube!), but I usually just repeat a mantra that speaks to me on that particular day. I’ve found this helps me focus. Otherwise, I start thinking about what I’m making for dinner or what I have to do during the day–the opposite of relaxing!

A mantra I focused on the other day was: I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable.

This is not true, but I would like it to be. What is truth really other than the story we tell ourselves about the world around us? It might not be true for everyone, but it is our personal truth.

I can get comfortable with being uncomfortable because I tell myself it is so.

For me personally, this is meant to ease me into my day. I’m extremely introverted, and having too many meetings on my calendar or actual physical phone calls gives me anxiety. Why? I believe these things are out of my comfort zone, and I know I’ll have to push myself to engage. I’m going to feel uncomfortable, and that can be scary.

Why is it scary, though? Am I afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing or not know what to say at all? Is it just the dread of having to do something that doesn’t come easily or naturally for me? Is it difficult only because I believe it to be so?

It doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s give ourselves the freedom to live without fear. The consequences of our actions are largely based on our own beliefs, and these can be changed.

I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable, and you are, too.

Changing with the seasons

Beach in Caseville, MI

I’ve alluded to it before, but the seasons and the weather have a huge effect on my overall mood. In summer, I’m blissful and busy, with regular trips to the beach and abundant sunshine keeping a smile on my face. Once the temperature drops, however, I go into hibernation mode. I have a hard time leaving the house, let alone feeling motivated. At first, I embrace the extra time at home and try to make the most of it, but eventually, I start to feel restless and discouraged in my day-to-day life–like I’m missing out, letting it pass me by.

I was looking forward to March bringing longer days with Daylight Savings (it is nice that it’s still light out now when I leave work!). The trouble is that I was expecting some instantaneous shift–like I’d automatically feel better the second I set the clocks back.

Guess what? I don’t. I dug myself so deep into a hole this winter that I’m having trouble crawling back out. It’s not just this year–it happens every year. Last March, we spent a week in Miami, and it made a HUGE difference in my mood that sustained me the entire month. It just shows how important taking a vacation really is–sometimes all you need is that shift in perspective.

An immediate trip isn’t in the cards (even though I keep looking at travel deals), so how do I channel those vacation vibes when I’m still here at home?

What makes me feel really good about being on vacation? A warm locale certainly helps, but really it’s the careless nature of it all. I get to say “BYE!” to my responsibilities for a few days and prioritize feeling good, disconnecting, and trying new things. It’s an excuse for doing what you really want (why not have the fries and ice cream–I’m on vacation!). Why not do that every day? What makes heading out on a weekend road trip any different from heading home? A change in scenery can have an impact, but ultimately it’s the shift in mindset.

I want to live every day like I’m on vacation.

It isn’t easy, and it takes time, but we’ve got to alleviate some of the burden we place on ourselves. This isn’t a call to abandon your duties, and you shouldn’t just blow off jobs or commitments, but the world is NOT going to end if you don’t submit that TPS report. What we’re capable of varies from day to day, and we should honor that, not inflict punishment.

Find a way each day to bring a little bit of vacation and joy into your life–whether that means wearing bright colors, meeting friends for happy hour, listening to upbeat music, or spending time by yourself. The to-do list never really ends, and we’ve got to release some of the hold it has on us. Make personal satisfaction a priority in your life.

This is something I’ll personally be working on, and I hope you’ll consider it, too. Let’s live it up!

Tell me: Is your mood affected by the seasons? Where did you go on your last vacation? What’s one thing you can do today to feel good?

Perspective

Photo by ara ghafoory on Unsplash

A family member of mine was involved in a terrible tragedy this weekend.

I didn’t know her well–in fact, I only met her once, so I can’t claim any sort of grief in the traditional sense. The news though, coupled with the recent Florida shooting, has been weighing heavy on my mind.

Looking in the mirror this morning, I thought about what I consider to be my “problems.” My acne. The fact that I can’t stop eating chocolate sometimes, especially when I’m sad. I often feel ignored. I don’t have many close friends. I go through periods where I don’t want to leave the house. There’s a general sense of dissatisfaction in my everyday life that I can’t always shake.

These are real concerns to me, and most days they feel important. Valid. Sometimes things happen though that put these in perspective.

I’m alive. I have a steady job that allows me to afford a home, food, clothing, and other luxuries. I have a wonderful husband who I’ve known for 15 years. I have two cats who are basically my children. I’m healthy. I’m generally happy. For these things and more, I am grateful.

There’s a lot of darkness in this world. Sometimes we feel upset for reasons we can’t quite identify, or for reasons others might think of as unimportant. These feelings are valid and I am not discounting them. More often than not, though, we still have reasons to feel thankful–even if those too seem small. Think about them. Count them. Say them out loud. Kiss the ones you love and try to let things go. It’s not easy and it won’t happen overnight, but slowly, little by little, the good things will start to take root in the front of your mind.

Give yourself permission to feel grateful and focus on the things that make you happy. We’re all in this together.