NOMO FOMO

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Broad City

I’ve been feeling a bit off these past few days. I talked about it a bit here, but it feels like more than post-vacation blues. Can I blame Mercury retrograde? I’m not sure what it is exactly. It feels like I’m longing for something, but I don’t know what. There’s never enough time to just be. I’m dreading plans and responsibilities, and I just want to stay in my own little bubble (there’s a reason I have a hermit crab tattooed on my arm). Weekends are never long enough. Again, though, it’s more than just the usual “Sunday Sads” or “Shmundays” (that one is my favorite).

Yet, I wake up on Mondays (albeit slowly). I put on my face. I smile and push through the day. Things are OK. I manage.

We live in a culture where “living life to the fullest” and enjoying each day because “life is short” is pushed as the ultimate definition of a happy life. When we don’t feel like we’ve achieved it–when we’ve only just made it through the day–it feels like a failure, like a missed opportunity for something better, something more.

I disagree. Sometimes our best day involves taking it slow and achieving not much more than watching three movies (not speaking from experience or anything….). Sometimes it takes all of our energy to make it through the day. We’re not failures. We’re human. We’re trying. We recognize the beauty and frailty of life, and it overwhelms us. It feels like a huge responsibility to try and honor it by making the most of our time. What does that even mean, though?

Maybe just knowing it is enough. Maybe the days I love most are the days spent at home. I can’t experience everything, and I’m not a failure if I don’t try. I’m not missing out if I’m doing what makes me happy.

In our voyeuristic and comparative culture, it’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing. We start to feel like we’re lacking–like we’re less than.

I say forget that. Everyone is different, and what fulfills us is different. We draw our energy from different sources and recharge in different ways. I am most comfortable when I’m at home. I might miss out on some things, but ultimately I’m recognizing and respecting what I need at this stage in my life.

Think about what truly makes you happy and forget the rest. If you’re where you want to be, then you’re right where you should be.

NOMO FOMO!

Checking in

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Scenes from a road trip

Hi friends. Sorry for the radio silence! It’s been a bit of a weird week. We spent an awesome weekend camping out in Kentucky and Tennessee, and drove back all day on Monday. I’m having some trouble readjusting to reality. I’m trying to get back into the groove of my normal routine, but I haven’t had as much time to write this week. I will definitely have some trip recaps coming soon, so you can hear all about our time in a yurt and seeing a concert in a cave!

I think the hardest thing is coming back to a static life. I have to admit, sometimes I’m envious of the people who give up everything and travel. My husband and I sometimes daydream about buying a van and a trailer and driving across the country, selling vintage clothes out of the back.

I’m a Cancer and a huge homebody, so I know I’d eventually grow weary of not having a home base. Still, it’s fun to imagine. I think it’s more the dichotomy of spending so much time outdoors and then returning back to the fluorescent lights–it makes me restless. It’s also the endless struggle of dealing with the fact that our time is not our own, and figuring out how to make the most of it.

Am I making any sense? Ha ha. I typically feel these pangs much more in the summer, I think because it feels so brief and fleeting. One blink and we’re back in the depths of winter. I somewhat subconsciously put a lot of pressure on myself to pack in as many experiences as I can during these warm months. It’s been a great summer so far, though, and it does feel like it’s going by fast.

As an aside, last night before I went to bed, I was talking about how my alarm is so quiet sometimes, and that feeling when you can’t sleep because you’re afraid of oversleeping. So of course, I overslept this morning. I don’t think my alarm went off at all, but it’s certainly possible I turned it off in my sleep. Oh well. I have been really tired this week–blame it on the weekend–so I guess I needed that extra hour!

That’s probably enough rambling for one morning. I’ll be back soon with more. Hope you’re having a great week!

Tell me: How do you readjust after coming back from a vacation?

 

Fourth Wedding Anniversary!

Four years ago today, my husband and I were married!

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First look

I thought it’d be fun to walk down memory lane and share some wedding pics. We’ve been together for 15 years but married for 4. My husband proposed in December 2012 when he thought the world would end and he wouldn’t have to go through with it (remember that? ha). Four years later, here we are! Cat parents and homeowners and we still like to hang out together every day.

Let’s get to it!

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I loved my braided updo!
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Me!
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The happy couple
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My family
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Is this an album cover or what?
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My ladies… We did the “choose your own dress” thing, and it worked out really well!
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We had a loose concert/music festival theme (I shared the awesome Save the Dates my sister made for me a while back)
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Favors (our cliche knows no bounds)
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Cupcakes over cake (which if you know me, is not a surprise!): I’m pretty sure we had funfetti, red velvet, marble, and lemon with raspberry filling. The cake on top was red velvet. Everything was DELICIOUS.
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We had this custom cake topper made, which pretty much sums up our relationship
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My dad and me (moment of truth!)
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Did I mention we got married by Elvis?
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Ceremony
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It’s official!
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We did it!
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My mom was very excited about Elvis
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My gorgeous sister and bro-in-law!
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My mom is one of a kind 🙂 (I mean, we did have BBQ!)
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One of my favorite pictures
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Tradition
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Sparklers to finish off the night

Thanks for reminiscing with me! It was such a fun day/night… I kind of wish we could do it all again each year. The weather was perfect, and we had a great time celebrating with our friends and family. After the wedding, we were off to a week in Orlando–which I also wish I could do again each year 😉

Let me know in the comments if there’s anything you want to know more about! Happy first day of summer (no coincidence that we decided to get married on the longest day of the year)!

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Fin

My own worst enemy

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“Don’t Believe Everything You Think” print by Mel Cerri. Available on Society6.

Lit was right–I am my own worst enemy. (Quick vote: worst or best way to start a blog post?)

I’m noticing that the biggest challenge I face each day is myself. Take yesterday, for example: I received some GREAT news, had a lovely work lunch, and my husband and I were productive for once and ran some errands after work. It felt like everything was going our way.

I ended the night by overeating and feeling bad about myself. I’m not sure what happened. I had dinner and was really full but started to feel kind of down. I then proceeded to eat too much ice cream, even though I knew it would make me feel like garbage.

This is just a small example, but it’s one to which some of you can relate. I make goals, I make progress, and I self sabotage. Two steps forward, one step back. It’s like I can’t trust myself to improve, to be happy, to do the right thing.

It’s not ice cream that’s the problem (although weirdly enough, when I searched “sabotage” on a photo search site, a picture of ice cream popped up). It’s the fact that I do things on a regular basis that don’t benefit me. My rational brain warns me of the consequences, but I continue anyway.

Sometimes I eat too much ice cream, even though eating a lot of sugar makes me feel like crap (I love it so much though). I pick at my face, even though I know it will just make the situation worse. I yell at my husband, even though I hate making him feel bad. I drink too much in social situations because I don’t know what else to do. I buy things I don’t really need. I decline invites to events I really want to go to, because anxiety. I don’t speak up enough. I doubt myself.

Life is a constant battle against enemy number one: our inner critic. In the book You Are A Badass (highly recommend), Jen Sincero talks about how once you finally start to enact positive change in your life, it seems like everything else aligns against you. Things will go wrong. You have to trust and push through.

I complained to my husband, asking why I always do this. Is the five minutes of pleasure I get from the self sabotage worth the hours of guilt and grief? Honestly, sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t. He told me to look at each situation, think about how I’d feel after, and decide whether it would be worth it. The hard part is, it always seems worth it in the moment.

Still, I think it’s good advice. It at least forces me to face the issue and think about the consequences. If I deem it worth it, I should proceed, guilt free. If not, I’ll know I made the right decision.

Whichever choice we make, the most important thing–and the most difficult–is to accept it and move on. There are other days, other choices. We can acknowledge that maybe we made the wrong decision for us at that time, but there’s no reason or benefit to feeling guilty about it. Learn from the situation and consider it next time you are in the same position. If you make the same mistake again, so be it. Circumstances were different. Acknowledge, reflect, and move forward.

Each day is a new opportunity to try.

 

Tell me: Do you struggle with self sabotage? How do you keep yourself in check?

Weekend Recap: Vegan Reubens, True Crime, and Other Randomness

Hey friends!

How are you? I hope you had a good weekend. Mine was pretty good but busier than it’s been in a while–I think my body couldn’t handle it, ha. I haven’t felt very well the past couple of days, but I think I’m starting to feel better.

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How I wanted to spend most of the weekend–haha. These two can barely tolerate each other, so I love that they are both in the bed only because they can be separated by the blanket wall.

On Friday, I met up with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while for dinner, so that was nice. We went to Chive Kitchen, a vegan restaurant in Farmington. I had a reuben, which I enjoyed. Their fries are also super good. After that, my husband and I went out for a bit to celebrate a friend’s birthday. It was fun, but I hit a wall around midnight and had to go home and get to bed–waking up at 5 am every day will do that to you.

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Vegan Reuben at Chive Kitchen

On Saturday, my husband had plans to go out with some colleagues later in the day, so we spent some time together in the morning. Since I knew he’d be out, I made sure I was prepared: I ordered a piece of cake from Chive to go on Friday. I was going wild! My husband isn’t interested in anything true crime, so I had big plans to sit around and watch whatever I could. I finally started The Keepers and also made it through a few episodes of Forensic Files and one of the EAR/ONS episodes of Unsolved Mysteries.

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Gimme Some More Graham Cake from Chive Kitchen

It’s funny–I love learning about true crime cases, but I do still tend to freak myself out. I had to move from watching TV in the back to the front of the house because I kept pausing the show every time I thought I heard a noise. I’m listening to I’ll Be Gone in the Dark and am still obsessed with reading about the GSK/EAR/ONS case. It definitely doesn’t help my confidence in being home alone, though!

On Sunday, my family was doing a Mother’s Day brunch at the Detroit Zoo, so we went to that. It was a little chilly but luckily not raining. We walked around for a while, then went to see my mother-in-law before heading home.

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My husband and my adorable niece. A little while back, we had gone to see her, and she burst into tears upon seeing my husband. My brother-in-law said that she’s afraid of Sasquatch, HA! I couldn’t stop laughing. They’ve been showing her pictures of my husband, so it looks like it worked 🙂

All in all, it was a nice weekend. I’m hoping it helps kick off the season of going out and doing things! There’s a lot I try to pack into the weekends when the weather’s nice, but lately I’ve just felt rundown. I’m hoping it passes and we can take advantage of the warmer temperatures. Next weekend, we’re hoping to get some yard work done (if it doesn’t rain). I don’t know anything about gardening, so we’re just going to wing it and see what happens. I also definitely want to go see Deadpool! I can’t wait.

OK friends–back to the grind 🙂

Tell me: How was your weekend? I want to hear all about it!