I’ve been feeling a bit off these past few days. I talked about it a bit here, but it feels like more than post-vacation blues. Can I blame Mercury retrograde? I’m not sure what it is exactly. It feels like I’m longing for something, but I don’t know what. There’s never enough time to just be. I’m dreading plans and responsibilities, and I just want to stay in my own little bubble (there’s a reason I have a hermit crab tattooed on my arm). Weekends are never long enough. Again, though, it’s more than just the usual “Sunday Sads” or “Shmundays” (that one is my favorite).
Yet, I wake up on Mondays (albeit slowly). I put on my face. I smile and push through the day. Things are OK. I manage.
We live in a culture where “living life to the fullest” and enjoying each day because “life is short” is pushed as the ultimate definition of a happy life. When we don’t feel like we’ve achieved it–when we’ve only just made it through the day–it feels like a failure, like a missed opportunity for something better, something more.
I disagree. Sometimes our best day involves taking it slow and achieving not much more than watching three movies (not speaking from experience or anything….). Sometimes it takes all of our energy to make it through the day. We’re not failures. We’re human. We’re trying. We recognize the beauty and frailty of life, and it overwhelms us. It feels like a huge responsibility to try and honor it by making the most of our time. What does that even mean, though?
Maybe just knowing it is enough. Maybe the days I love most are the days spent at home. I can’t experience everything, and I’m not a failure if I don’t try. I’m not missing out if I’m doing what makes me happy.
In our voyeuristic and comparative culture, it’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing. We start to feel like we’re lacking–like we’re less than.
I say forget that. Everyone is different, and what fulfills us is different. We draw our energy from different sources and recharge in different ways. I am most comfortable when I’m at home. I might miss out on some things, but ultimately I’m recognizing and respecting what I need at this stage in my life.
Think about what truly makes you happy and forget the rest. If you’re where you want to be, then you’re right where you should be.